intimacy

I admit it – I’m a junkie. I can’t get enough of closeness, affection, eye contact, care, touch, crying, laughing - all ingredients that make up intimacy. At least these things are included in my personal recipe. I’ve experienced so many levels of intimacy with so many people. Lovers, friends, colleagues, kids, even the guy crossing the street in front of my car. Yes, I think it’s possible to create it or find it anywhere if giant, universal love is one of your values.

I’ve had a few conversations lately about the subject of intimacy and it’s interesting how different people see it with different glasses. One friend said that for her, it’s finding connection and closeness non-verbally, while another felt that sharing stories of her life constituted intimacy. I know an awful lot of people who would make intimacy synonymous with sex…well, and yes, there’s that. My best attempt at summarizing, very generally, my idea of intimacy is this: any mutual experience that make two (or more) people feel closer to each other, loved and seen in truth.

Since this is a subject dear to my heart (after all, I AM a junkie), I’m thinking of writing an expanded piece on it. I’m very interested in knowing how any of you would define intimacy. In one word or many. Bring ‘em on!

By the way, my dear Facebook friends, these “notes” are coming to you live from my blog, which is much cuter than the dull, white wall page you’re looking at. If you’d like to see it in color form, I’d be delighted to have you here... http://playwithyourpassions.blogspot.com

journal musings of forward intention

i learned some lessons as i hopped on and off of airplanes, in and out of new beds, up and down emotional roller coasters. taking in the world opens doors, opens windows, opens eyes and opens heart. truly. and i know. i know there is a choice - abierto o cerrado - open or closed.

the mirror is mocking with gangsta' rap, but i see the deception. broken shiny things in need of pins and needles. forty years in this skin is calling. and i'm running - running like a turtle in heat. running like a crazy lady with arms flailing and feet kicking out to the side in wild abandon, like I did when I was five. no care, no mind to what’s happening inside or outside – only the bliss that’s humming through my body and the means to an unnamed end.

did you know only the female mosquitoes take your blood? i should've known. perhaps I should learn the lesson and run far, far away. but she is me. and i am her. so i guess i'll just itch for eternity.
I'm an intimacy junkie. I’ll go to near-desperate measures to get a fix. no need for a support group - I consider this one of my best and most charming qualities. addiction to meaning, to depth, to skin-on-skin, to love, and…to risk and danger.

i've gone out on a few limbs in life. i'd like to climb higher and further out on the branches. but is it worth the risk? what if it breaks…
what if i fall…
what if i get a better view…
what if the air is cleaner up there…
what if i make friends with a bird and he teaches me how to fly…
I can carry a list of what matters in my beak, I mean, my mouth:
peaceful sleep, quality coffee, artistic food, top-down convertibles, authentic kindness, new experiences, on-time flights, cloud pillows, dance-language, descriptive adjectives, openness…
openness...

infinite grains of sand shifting and molding into spaces unclaimed. waves bringing gifts from far away worlds and stories that roar and whisper...
storytellers give life and meaning and questions.
I have questions of color: what color was yesterday? what color is now? what color will tomorrow be? my paintbrush is poised...

I’ll write more poems,
I’ll write a song,
I’ll draw a little man in the shape of me,
I’ll smoke a bong,
I’ll learn Spanish curse words,
I’ll fly to Singapore with or without a plane,
I’ll lower some expectations,
I’ll raise some standards,
I’ll commit to something impossible,
I’ll paint a wall the color of my life,
I’ll buy lots of amazing shoes,
I’ll dance my story,
I’ll get another tattoo,
I’ll make friends with an animal,
I’ll explore my passions very unwisely,
i'll embrace a wrinkle or a gray hair as the wonderful work of wisdom,
I’ll create a character from my own soul and yours – with a camera in my face,
I’ll witness a birth,
i'll truthfully decorate the canvas of my body,
i'll put more muscle around my bones,
i'll find a home that meets my dreams, or maybe it will find me,
i'll amp up my belief in abundance,
i'll have an amiable relationship with money,
i'll break a rule - on purpose,
I’ll practice creating magic out of a hat or out of thin air;
I’ll recognize magic and spirit-play and love more often,
I’ll grieve to the core and with self-compassion,
I’ll lose track of time,
I’ll wear my watch upside-down,
I’ll invent something ridiculous but useful,
I’ll do all of these things.
or none of them.
dreams are as necessary as rainbow confetti and breathing.

every decade branded, every decade a brand of jeans, every decade brings emergence of a theme. the theme has a thumbprint, a song, and a very special hat.